Berrylicious Memory

I really really (remember I like to use that word?!) really need to conjure up a smile today. There are just so many stupid people in this world and they are encroaching on my personal space something fierce lately. I am most grateful to have recalled the following memory today. Not only did it give me something to smile about, but it helped to restore a small fraction of my faith in mankind, or womankind as the case may be.

Once upon a time, in an ancient civilization called Cottonwood Heights, Utah, circa 1982, there lived a beautiful Princess named Potsie Weber. I know, weird name for a Princess, but what do you do? Potsie lived a carefree life in suburbia with her loving family, which included a big brother, we'll call him Jason Carl - son of Knud. Even though he was the brother of the Princess, he did not become a Prince until much later in this story. For now, JC, is the evil villian of the tale. You can't possibly expect anything else from a guy that ate chocolate Malt-O-Meal in this fashion every morning:
Shirtless in a ski cap. Very shady if you ask me!

To further illustrate the haunting behavior of our villian, allow me to submit Exhibit B:

One fine summer afternoon, JC, masquerading as a harmless Boy Scout, was packing for a scout camp. Evidently, scouts aren't very good at rising with the sun in the wilderess, so an alarm clock was a required item on the "Don't Forget to Pack" list. For reasons unknown to most rational thinking people in the kingdom, JC asked Princess Potsie if he could borrow her very precious Strawberry Shortcake dingy-bell wind-up alarm clock.

The angelic Princess Potsie very generously handed over the prized jewel of her nightstand. Okay, maybe the Queen Mother forced her to hand it over and scolded her for being a stingy brat (stin-jee; as in selfish, not stingy like a bee), but that's the same as being angelic and generous, right? The selling point for the Princess may actually have been the image in her head of her teenage brother at camp with all the other neighborhood teenage boys giving him crap for having a Strawberry Shortcake dingy-bell wind-up alarm clock. Whatever the case, off he went with the Princess' treasure.

During the life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness that made up the subsequent days, Princess Potsie gave little thought to the clock. Then, suddenly and without warning, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness came to a screeching halt when the evil JC arrived home from his sojourn in the wild. Out of the blue, the Princess was taken by the Queen to the comfiest of couches and told a horrific tale that, still to this day, wakes the Princess in the middle of the night with cold sweats.

Somehow, when the buses were loaded with luggage for the scouts' return trip, JC's suitcase was not properly secured to the vehicle. Herein lies the reason why JC is our villian. Can you see where this is going? During travel, the bag was launched onto the road where the innocent Strawberry Shortcake was crushed. Ooooooooh the agony!!!

Fast forward twenty-some-odd years. An unsuspecting Princess Potsie opens the card on a Christmas present from JC. A cryptic message brought a furrowed brow to the Princess. What could this message about the past and fixing things mean? Here is where the bad guy is transformed into the Prince. Ready? Wait for it............opening the box and digging through tissue paper, Potsie unveils a vintage Strawberry Shortcake dingy-bell wind-up alarm clock! Miracles exist! Never forget it! And never, ever underestimate the miracle that is ebay!

Thank you big bro. See, he was the Prince after all! And there you have it, the story that will allow me to go to bed remembering that there is some good left in the world.

Later 'Gator

It's here. No, not the new year; but that's true too. It's the start of a really really really long journey for our family. Stretch is off to war....again. As of today, the trip begins with a three week stay in the frozen tundra of an undisclosed northern US state. It is 26 degrees below ZERO there today! I'm not exactly sure how this trains anyone for 140 degree Middle East heat, but I'm sure the Army knows what it is doing. Uummmmkay.

Friday night we had a little send off shin-dig at the VFW, Stretch's home away from home. The people at the VFW have been a second family during some really rough times since the first deployment. Those guys are the only ones who can truly understand how Stretch thinks and feels about his experiences in the military and in combat. I can't thank that group enough for their love and support.

When we arrived, one of the sweet ladies at the club pulled us aside. She handed Stretch a vintage Pittsburgh Steelers hat. Naturally, he was thrilled. But then she explained that the hat had been purchased by a late relative of hers in Pittsburgh in 1980 following the Steelers 4th Super Bowl win. She said the hat had never been worn and she knew that Stretch would give it a good home. What an incredibly touching gesture!

Then it was time for Karaoke! Stretch is the best at this! He has such a fun time, and he can actually sing. Our friends that live two houses up the street from us dropped in and were quite impressed that we would get up and sing. We're just crazy that way. Who cares that I can't carry a tune in a bucket! What does that even mean? I don't know, I just know I sound terrible. But it sure is fun!

Here's Stretch singing the 'Dirty Song' (he calls it that because it's a country song about sleeping with a bunch of women.) So funny!

Dennis, our friend and master of ceremonies. This guy can Karaoke all night long!



Stretch and I belting out Summer Loving from Grease. I promised Stretch I'd practice up while he was gone so maybe we'll sound better when he gets back. I hate to disappoint him, but no amount of practice is going to fix the fact that I was born without a singing voice.


We even got our timid neighbors, Mike and Ann, in on the fun.


Then it was time for a quick raffle. The winning ticket was awarded a professional Texas Hold 'Em poker chip set. Stretch was very excited about this prospect. Since it was his party, the Commander called him up to draw the ticket. Normally, when someone draws the name, it's customary and understood that if you draw your own ticket, you respectfully decline and draw another ticket. Stretch made it very clear that if he drew his own ticket, he was winning! Certainly it wouldn't matter. Stretch never wins anything; plus his odds decreased dramatically when he married me who also never wins anything.

He reaches in........

........draws a ticket........reads the name........

......and WAHOOOOO........he won! And yes, he kept the prize!

Later on, the Post Commander and the Utah Dept Commander honored Stretch and gave him a send off toast. Great, great guys!!! Seriously, these guys have so many extra credit points in heaven it's not funny!

Fun night! I'm still working on eating the leftovers of snack food. For some reason, people tend to drink more than they eat on Friday nights at the bar. Works good for me. I'll have Lil Smokies and chips and dip for a week! Mmmmmm.

And here is the moment I have been dreading for months. This is the worst moment because it makes it all so real. He really is leaving.

7 t-shirts, 7 underwear, 7 boot socks, 2 PT uniforms, 5 desert camo uniforms, etc. Somehow this all fits in a duffle bag. I wish I could fit in the duffle bag too. Or to make it more simple, I wish he didn't have to go. But thank goodness for guys like him who are willing to serve our country!

Thanks again to VFW Post 1481 for everything!

Cold Enough For You?

Why yes, it is cold enough for me. No wait, that's wrong. It's too cold for me. I really love a good fluffy snowstorm for Christmas, but it comes at a price. It was so super cold this holiday season. Thankfully, it has finally warmed up a bit. However, during the peak of the frozenosity, I captured a few sure signs that it's winter. Because I hate the cold so much, I have to look for these kinds of happy sights to make it through the winter.

Oooooooooh, pointy.

Cat paths to and from the porch. And below, kitty prints from a cat who was stupid enough to want to go outside and then waited frantically on the porch for someone to let him in. Dumb Gus.

These are my favorite. Little birdie prints.

Tacky is as Tacky Does!

Here’s the problem with the holidays……Work Christmas Parties! I know, I know, you all love going to the parties with your co-workers, and especially love the raffle prizes (who wouldn’t love an electric kitchen knife or maybe a faux-pearl encrusted wall clock?), but have you ever been the one that had to plan the event? Being an HR nerd can take the fun right out of any holiday and/or party. You don’t get to just go enjoy the "elementary-school-carnival" style games, you actually are the one who gets credit for concocting the fun! Or the one who gets credit for the lameness in its entirety (which is usually the case)!

This year, as it is the year of cost cutting and fiscal responsibility, we held our company party in our warehouse. Many employees were a bit upset because we weren’t going to have a cool off-site dinner party. Amidst all the remarks about how lame it is to have a party on the shipping dock, a masterful plan was born. Our party committee, ummm, I mean Heather and I, decided to just embrace the un-cool warehouse venue factor and run with a theme of "A Cliché Christmas…..All Things Tacky for the Holidays." Of course, I can call it that for purposes of this post, but at work, everything was strictly "Winter" or "Holiday", keeping it completely PC. The fact that we had wreaths, red and green presents, Santa wrapping paper, Christmas tree centerpieces, lights, ornaments, fruitcake, and egg nog was merely a coincidence. None of this had anything to do with the 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus. I promise! It was all just stuff we had lying around that happened to support our theme. Winter. Non-descript Holiday Season. That's it!

The jumping off point was Heather’s amazing brain child, Tacky Christmas Sweaters! Everything else snowballed from there. Ha, get it, snowballed? Snow, winter, Christmas! So Clever! What are the most cliché Christmas traditions? Popcorn tins, tangled lights, fruitcake, egg nog, wrapping paper, and the ultimate: living room family photos!

Let the fun ensue:

Sleigh Rides for All. Adam, you are definitely on Santa’s "Good" list for constructing this fine piece of transportation! However, you have gone straight to the top of OSHA’s "Naughty" list!

Fruitcake Curling – Those things could really fly!

Crappy Gift Return – Kick that bad boy back; nobody wants it! Can you say store credit?

Winner of the Tacky Sweater Contest!

The crowd favorite – Egg Nog Shooters (straight egg nog, nothing fancy! Yuck!) Teams competed to see how many shots they could down in 15 seconds, without any hands!

Two teams tied, and held a tie breaker round. They tied again! Oooooh so much egg nog! Another tie breaker commenced. This time they chugged whole jugs for 30 seconds. It was nearly another tie, but a winner was named by about 1/8 inch!

A party isn’t a party without a little puke! Just as I put the camera down, the guy on the left was revisited by his egg nog along with his entire lunch! The best part of all this disgustingness: the teams had no idea what they were competing for. Based on previous parties, I guess they thought we’d have a good prize for them in the end. But in keeping with our tacky Christmas theme, the winning team was awarded ever-so-delightful popcorn tins, the kind with 3 Flavors - super deluxe! I don’t park in the employee parking lot anymore. I’m fairly concerned a disgruntled egg nog chugger will slash my tires for forcing such torture on them in return for nothing more than a $5 Wally-World special!

In the end, a team was crowned the winners of all the Reindeer Games and given their gold ornament medals and popcorn tin trophies.

However, an accounting error was brought to everyone's attention by the opposing team which resulted in the winners being stripped of their medals. They were forced to bestow their medals and trophies upon the rightful winners, which made them very sad.

I hope my coworkers don’t mind me sharing these pics. They are just so stinking funny!

Such a stylish living room for photos, eh? Yes, the beams showing between the backdrop sheets was ever so trendy. Very industrial chic!

This reminds me why I go to work. There truly is a great bunch at people at the Big Red ‘S’! Thanks Heather for your ideas and super craftiness! You’ve got skills, girl! And Joan, you saved the whole day by being banished to the front desk. You rock! I'm sorry. One day we'll figure out that whole thing! Maybe in the new building we'll just have all our parties in the front office!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!

Heights of Awesomeness!

As Christmas approaches, the party planning at work has begun. With a small budget and even smaller timeline to pull off a party for 85 people, creativity has beome essential. With one simple thought, Tacky Christmas Sweaters, (thank you Heather!!!) our mad planning skills have jumped into action. The party theme has evolved into all things Tacky and Cliche for Christmas. More on that later.

What's really important, is that during discussions of lame holiday traditions, our thoughts naturally turned to our childhoods and the trends of the 80s and 90s. So join me if you will as I dig up some references to things I'll bet you've forgotten all about. Even 5 years ago, much of this would have mortified me to admit I was involved in. But I guess I'm officially an old lady now and can finally look back and laugh at myself. Here we go...

• Units. Remember Units? I was never all the way cool enough to have actual Unit branded apparel, but I do remember some stretch pants that could have passed off as such.
• Charm Necklaces. Yes, those were the mark of a cool 6th grader. Most definitely a must have item was the miniature notebook with real 1/2" x 1/2" paper that snapped shut.
• Esprit bags. If you didn't have one, you may as well not even bother showing up for school. However, you may obtain a pass that will excuse you from lameness if you acquired the knock-off version from the Copper Rivet. Yes, that was acceptable until a true Esprit bag could be obtained.
• Layered socks. How many colors did you wear with your stirrup pants and/or Units? We must have looked like a parade of caterpillars.
• Peg-leg pants. This was an art. Everyone had their own method of tucking and rolling the bottom of their pant legs. You were a fashion-god if you could actually cut off your own circulation. And remember Girbaud jeans? Ya, I never had any. Outwardly, it was because who would be so stupid as to spend that much money at JMR for a pair of jeans. Inwardly, I just wished I made enough money working at the bakery to get a pair of jeans from JMR.
• Rugby shirts. Perfect pairing with the Girbaud peg-leg jeans.
• Overalls. Yes, my sophomore year was a quest to see how many ways I could wear my Guess overalls so it looked like I had more than the one pair. My 10th grade yearbook photo said it all: Camp Beverly Hills t-shirt and Guess overalls with just one strap clasped.
• Hippie Grunge. When actual cool fashion escaped you, it was a blessed relief to have grunge to fall back on. Birckenstocks and plaid shirts. What could be easier? And if you could pull off wearing leather slippers to school, you were welcomed with open arms into the granola crowd.
• Big Bangs. No journey through the horrors of our wayward youth would be complete with out a nod to the greatest hair trend of all time. It was a good time to own stock in hairspray companies. How high can you go? I know, you're all hoping for photos at this point. Well, it ain't gonna happen. Sorry, I'm all about a good laugh, but not at my own expense.

Now that we've got the ball rolling, what other incredibly bitchin' trends need mentioning?

I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Okay!

This four day weekend was much needed! Thanks to a thief employee at work and the aftermath of the arrest, I was a little drained come Wednesday. It may have been a full week. Did I mention I love my job?

This weekend was perfect! Jam packed full of fun. Thanksgiving was tremendous. It's hard to screw up a day with all that pumpkin pie floating around. Then Friday, after crapping out of 3:00am shopping lines (Excuses: the pie was weighing me down, or I'm sorry, 3:00am was not meant as an hour of the day humans experience vertically), I drove down to SLC to retrieve our Christmas tree cutting permit. That in and of itself was a treat. Very funny people at the BLM field office in SLC. Mrs. Grizzly Adams works there, did you know?

Fast forward to Saturday morning.

Ready with the chain saw and hungry tummies we headed north. In Snowville, Utah, we stopped for breakfast. Hungry tummies happy now. Miss Mollie of Mollie's Diner signed a copy of a cute cowboy calendar for the kids. She had to have been about 99 and was just the most darling old lady.

A few million miles and one "authorized vehicles only median" turn-around later,

we ended up in the Raft River Valley of the Sawtooth National Forest. At one point, we crossed over into Idaho, but the "graveled country road", as the map called it, took us back down into Utah.

I don't know exactly what I was expecting from our tree chopping experience, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking deserty mountainside. It didn't feel very Christmasy tromping through sagebrush and dodging cactus plants and bunny poo, especially without any snow, but by the time we hiked a little bit up the hill, I was sold that this is the only way to pick out a Christmas tree! Over there. No, this one. Wait, up here. Tromp tromp tromp.

How about him?
Nope, a little too Charlie Brown.

This one?

Ummmmm, just a tad too large.

Aaaaah, here we go.

Perfection! And of course, the Terrible Towel must make an appearance.

Stretch the psycho-lumberjack! He downed two perfect trees, one for us and one for Grandpa Paul. Time of Death: 10:53 am.


With our trees already chopped and loaded into the truck, it was time for some photos of my peeps. Yes, the Bear is very enthused about this prospect. It's not like I had taken any pictures of her in the last 12 hours, I don't know what the problem was. Squid was gracious as always.



It wouldn't be a successful wilderness outing if we didn't scout out any deer antlers.

Well, since we got our two perfect trees, we'll consider this 1/2 a piece of an old antler shed a success.

I do believe that even if we hadn't found our pinyons, Squid would have been content to take home some junipers. Then she could harvest all the alien poo she wants forever.

Gratuitous Dodge pic. All loaded up and ready to roll.

Good time had by all!

And Voila~

The finished product! One day, the techie geeks will find a way to have scratch-and-sniff on the internet and I'll be able to share with you the scent of the best smelling Christmas tree ever. Until then, come visit. It's not quite to Idaho, well worth the drive.